If you’re a normal human of ordinary tastebuds, you would be less than honest if you said that you ‘really love the taste of’ Red Bull, Monster, Amp, Full Throttle or Rockstar. Sure, Red Bull in conjunction with vodka tastes better than straight vodka and the Monster logo is pretty damn cool, but neither is an excuse to actually drink one or the other at a price point of $3 per can.
For some of us, the answer is a $6 bottle of 200 Prolab Caffeine tablets. Pop one with your morning vitamin or ECA stack and BOOM, before you know it, you’re rambling about Obama’s latest bungle, the last Steeler loss and how you just know your friend’s cousin was cheating at Words with Friends when they made AZOTISE for 118 points. AZOTISE? Seriously?
But for the rest of us who want a little more excitement than popping a pill, I’ve discovered the HOLY GRAIL of energy drinks, and SURPRISE, it comes to us from a brand that has consistently delivered the #1 carbonated soda of all-time: MOUNTAIN DEW.
Their latest offering is called KICKSTART and is offers 92mg of caffeine per serving. That’s nearly double the 54mg offered up by regular Mountain Dew, and rest assured, you will notice the difference.
On a recent early morning trip into downtown Los Angeles, I guzzled the can faster than an unemployed terminally ill patient would give up on the Obamacare website and my mouth was running faster than a Ferrari on the 405 at 3am. I wasn’t really counting, but I swear that my girlfriend told me to STFU no less than seven times, which for most married men is about average, but considering this was the morning after our first date, seemed a bit much.
It’s not easy finding an ‘energy drink’ that doesn’t taste like someone squeezed out last nights jizz-rag into a can, but if you can get your hands on a Mountain Dew Kickstart in Fruit Punch flavor, you’re guaranteed to not only be up and running for the first half of the day but you won’t have to worry about that girl you woke up with ever calling you again after the drive home.