Human Centipede Review

This movie has been on my radar since reading an article about it over a year ago. I’ve seen it at Redbox and finally it arrived for free on Netflix, so late one night, while everyone else was sleeping, I flipped on my iPhone, popped in my earbuds, and fired up THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE.

The movie opens with an immediate sense of creepiness, as we see some evil-looking dude sitting in his car. Waiting. He watches a bus pull off the highway and eyeballs a chunky dude who runs into the bushes to relieve himself. It’s game on.

The ominous music leads into a rather lame set-up. Two incredibly annoying American women (the film takes place in Germany) are on their way to a party when they get lost on a back road. To make matters worse, their car gets a flat. They’re stranded.

And it would be a coincidence if they just happened to get stranded in the same place where the evil doctor is waiting. But it’s actually even more of a coincidence when they stumble through the woods and wind up on the doorstep of the doctor.

Call it bad luck. Or call it lazy writing. Either way, the women are shocked when the scary-looking creep who answers the door turns out to be a scary-looking creep. But by then, it’s too late. He drugs them and when they awaken, they’re strapped to adjacent operating tables.

And that’s when the real fun begins.

Seems this doctor has a penchant for odd Nazi-era experiments — in particular — he seems obsessed with the idea of creating a human centipede — composed of three humans.

The first will be the head.

The second will be the body. And FYI, it sucks to be the body in a human centipede. She’ll have her mouth surgically attached to the anus of the head and have to consume the head’s feces. She’ll also have the tail’s mouth surgically attached to her own anus.

And the third will be the tail. Personally, I think the tail is just as bad as the body, because you still have to eat shit, and in this case, it’s the shit of the body AND the recycled shit of the head passing through the body. But I digress.

The head winds up being a Japanese guy who doesn’t speak a word of English — making it even harder for the human centipede to coordinate and choreograph their movements once their assembled.

Did I mention that the evil surgeon slices the patellas of all three centipede components so that they can’t stand up? Why? I have no clue. If my mouth was surgically attached to someone else’s anus, not being able to walk would be the least of my concerns.

The story ramps up when the assembly is complete and the women scream and moan into each other’s asses.

The movie climaxes (along with me) when the Japanese man announces that he has to take a shit. Really! It’s a wonderfully disturbing scene that made me smile.

Soon enough, the local cops drop in and spoil the fun as the doctor spirals into a panic and reveals himself to be more than just a suspect.

The final scene is a chase scene. Yes, a chase scene featuring a human centipede moving at the speed of molasses. And it’s awesome.

I didn’t expect to enjoy this movie so much, but I guess all of those people who always called me ‘deeply disturbed’ knew exactly what they were talking about, as I am giving 3 stars to this ‘deeply disturbing’ film.

3 *** out of 4


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