IFBB Pro Robert Burneika Wins MMA Debut
Ringside Coverage by Special Ed
IFBB Professional Bodybuilder Robert Burneika of Lithuania made his professional MMA debut last night and while it wasn’t a pretty sight, still managed to put away his lifeless opponent by clubbing him to the ground and finishing the fight via ground and pound in the second round.
Burneika, who looked to be in prime off-season bodybuilding condition, certainly provided ample support for the theory that boxers shouldn’t lift weights as muscles tend to interfere with the streamlined process of throwing a punch. This was clearly evident in the case of Burneika, who couldn’t seem to fully extend his arms or legs, but it made no difference as his opponent apparently was a subscriber to the Mirza Theory and could neither look the larger man in the eye, nor throw a single punch in his direction.
As the video below demonstrates, the drunken crowd threw themselves into fits of hysteria whenever Burneika managed to raise his arm above parallel to the ground — in obvious appreciation for the flexibility of the muscleman. The frenzied fans further demonstrated their love of schmofessional MMA by applauding whenever Burneika exhibited exhaustion at having to take more than 3 steps in a single direction without needing a Mount Everest oxygen mask and cannister by waving for his opponent to come forward and fight. What was probably lost on most fans was the fact that Burneika is simultaneously preparing for a bodybuilding show and didn’t wish to go catabolic by raising his heart rate over what would otherwise be achieved by walking on a treadmill in excess of 3.4 mph.
In any event, Burneika clearly proved to the schmoes of the world that in a fight between a musclebound monster and a skilled MMA practitioner, the MMA fighter stands little to no chance of overcoming the brutal, superhuman power and athleticism of a Pro Bodybuilder.
Thank you, Robert. You’ve made us all proud today, and in your honor, tonight we shall all wear our T. Micheal Bodybuilding gear to the nightclubs instead of our Affliction jerseys.
Here’s an older video of our very own Special Ed interviewing MMA Bodybuilder Robert Burneika at the 2007 Arnold Classic.